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| Snagged from Pinterest, I take no rights to this photo/meme |
What am I afraid of? What scares me? What leaves me laying awake at nights?
I have many things that leave me worrying and fretting and leaving me completely afraid and most of the time I don’t have a single thing I can personally do to stop them. Then I wonder why do I keep worrying about them, because I can’t stop.
First and foremost we have CANCER. For as long as I can remember, early as my pre-teens, I have been freaked out that I will at some point get cancer or I already have it. I have no idea where this fear comes from, no one super close to me has had it really. My uncle had a form of cancer, but I wasn’t close to him. My Grandma, several years later, had a big cancer growth in her stomach, but this happened when I was an adult. I fear every type of cancer, but oddly not breast. I fear I’ll get ovarian cancer, skin cancer, and various other forms – but those two have been my top two for awhile now.
Next we have Jason dying on me. I fear he’ll have a heart attack or stroke. I know he can die in other ways before his time, but those don’t concern me as much. I fear those two greatly. Again, I think quite a bit of this one goes back to losing my Dad at 16 of a heart attack. I know there are things we can do to help Jason stay healthy so this shouldn’t happen or rather is less likely to happen and I do everything I can to try and control those factors. I do not want to lose Jason for a long long time, I want many more years with him and to enjoy doing new things while enjoying the old.
Small Talk. Plain and simple it scares me. I sit there and listen to people and rack my brain trying to think of what to say. My mind runs blank, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t have an outside job to share and whine about it, I don’t have any kids besides our fur baby. No real small talk. Which is why I have a love/hate relationship with social settings and meeting new people. That darn lack of small talk in me, it makes me fret and worry that no one is going to like me because I don’t say stuff. Which is why I find them on Facebook and friend them that way, it allows me to talk and feel comfortable and get to know them while they get to know me more. I gift too, thinking oh I’ll give them gifts and they’ll like me! Which is part of the reason I don’t have an outside job, I have tried and keep trying, maybe someday something will click and I feel useful.
Each winter I fear that our woodstove will start a fire in the house. I love having a woodstove to heat our home, and it does an amazing job, but you always see these stories on TV about how the chimney/woodstove caused a major fire and the whole house was destroyed. Yes, its one of my many fears. I also always make sure my flat iron is off and unplugged, sometimes I have to check it many times before we leave the house. I do not want to be the cause of a fire. If we are going to be away for a night I always make sure to unplug Jason’s bedside plugs, because his outlet scares me. Fire in our house, plain and simple scares the jeebies out of me.
Of course I fear snakes, mice, and other various weird bugs – but those are common and probably not worth mentioning, so there is a just a little side note on these. Then we have flying, I am still scared to fly and really would rather not fly alone. I am scared that I’ll break down in the middle of the road or while on a trip somewhere by myself and will get killed because of it (silly I know).
I have many fears, but these are the ones that popped into my head for this blog post. I am not ashamed of them, for they are mine and they are truly something I am scared of. Leaving them out in the open like this though, is kind of scary too.
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| Snagged from Pinterest, I take no rights to this photo/meme |
What are you afraid of?
