Life has been bumpy. A bit more than bumpy for my liking. Since my July health scare, my anxiety has been high. Filled with overthinking and over worrying. Leaving me not wanting to work and not being able to think clearly to get any creative thoughts.
I know I need to get back to work and get to thinking to build back up this blog and my social media. Knowing I need to and actually doing it have been two different things though. Honestly, all I have been doing is reading. Reading doesn’t bring money into the house & more readers/followers into my world to get that money.
Here I am letting you all know I am struggling. A different struggle than last year when I didn’t feel like I had one creative thought to bring forward. Nonetheless, struggling and feeling like a total loser that has nothing to show for the last few months.
Fall Life Update
Was a sense of relief when I had my colonoscopy and it showed absolutely nothing. In case you missed my earlier updates on why I had been so quiet – Update on Quietness. It took a while for my body to start to feel normal though. To calm down from the anxiety and over “feeling” while also letting my internal hemorrhoids relax. Assuming that was the pressure I was feeling, which must have been the case. Now my body feels fairly normal, which has been a relief.
After that whole ordeal, I assumed that health scares would be a bit off again.
I assumed wrong. Never assume anything.
First, Roxy is like our child. I don’t care that she has fur and doesn’t communicate in the same way as a human. She is very important to us. Treating her just as I would a child in any form I can. Also knowing she is a dog and there are limits to where we can take her & how we can treat her. I would do anything for her to make sure she is happy and healthy.
Realizing that Roxy was due for a few shots, I made an appointment for her to get them. I put only shots, no exam. Since I didn’t think she needed it at this moment, just her due shots. We get in there August 31st and they do an exam anyway, which is fine. Not a biggie.
Or so I thought.
The doctor, whom we hadn’t ever had before, told us that Roxy has a heart murmur. And she was grading it a level 4 out 6. A one being the lowest and faintest hear murmur to the level six being the loudest and most vibrating. Roxy goes into her regular appointments and never has been noted to have a heart murmur before. She was just in during April for her other exam.
Roxy was also very restless and agitated while in the exam room. She hates the metal table she has to stand on and doesn’t anything to do with the doctors usually. Which left me believing maybe she was just stressed.
We decided not to do anything right now, the doctor suggested an x-ray would probably be the next step to check her heart. I have started on several natural remedies to ease her heart if there is something going on. Even if there isn’t everything I am using is still going to help her health.
This last week I set up another appointment for October 5th with a doctor I know Roxy has had several times for her to listen to her heart again and know more where we should go next.
Needless to say, I have been super aware of what Roxy has been doing, how she is acting, and how she is eating. She is still acting herself as far as I can tell.
I have been sad and worried about her now. There is no way I am ready to lose her or lose her happy-go-lucky personality. Along with zest for life. Not that I will be ever ready to lose her. Because we only got her when she was 5, I would feel gypped if we lost her so soon. She is 11 1/2, so things could start happening, but she is still rather young for a small dog.
That has been my main overthinking/worry state for these last couple weeks.
With everything else, there was also a loss of something that I was so beyond the moon to be a part of. Along, more recently a loss of something I have been super giddy to have been able to do. Both left me with likely not being able to do much traveling in our near future.
Part of the reason I have been feeling so down about what I do as a living. Feeling like I am a total loser that is bringing nothing to the table of our life.
The best thing I can do is dust myself off and try my best to get back into the blogging world. Think of new ways to bring fun things to you all. Along with sharing our life, including the ups and downs.
Want to help a girl out? What kind of things would you enjoy seeing around Angie’s Angle? Giving me a base to build off helps greatly on getting my noggin thinking.
Life is truly a rollercoaster you all. When it gets bumpy, it gets really bumpy. I am done with the bumpy now. Please give me some smooth fun parts now. Thanks!