For Jason and I, having babies was not at the top of the radar anytime in our marriage. Together for 23 years in July & married for 18 of those years in June, a baby never crossed our path. We always just said, it a baby happens, it happens. Otherwise, we didn’t give it much thought. Plus, I’ve always been scared to have a baby, which is where we come full circle, and me letting you know why I am scared to have this baby. It’s time to unveil my secrets and fears when it comes to welcoming this little one into our family.
It pretty much still doesn’t feel real to me that a baby is growing in my tummy. I haven’t felt it yet but have heard its heartbeat and seen it on a screen twice. Yet, it doesn’t feel possible that this little thing is in there growing and moving all day, and soon it’ll be out in this world as part of our family. I personally never had morning sickness. However, I’ve been feeling aches and pains throughout the time, but I am achy anyway. I am slowly growing a tummy that you can tell is more baby-shaped otherwise, I think it’s hard to guess I’m pregnant.
Sleep hasn’t been my friend since I’ve become pregnant. That, to me, is weird since I’ve always been a good sleeper. That lack of sleep during the night is part of the reason naps are a must most days. And surprisingly, my anxiety has been calm as well. You’d think I’d been running ramped with bad thoughts but nope. I am good for the most part.
And yet I am still scared to have this baby. Keep reading to find out some of the reasons why.
Why I am Scared to Have this Baby
This is probably my number one reason, pain. I don’t handle pain well at all. I’m a big old baby when I don’t feel well, or something is painful. You know that meme that goes around where it’s the Dad/Husband who is a big baby when it comes to anything but that is 100% me. Childbirth scares the bejeebers out of me. Pain tolerance is a zero for me. So how in the heck am I supposed to handle one of the most painful things that could ever happen to a human body? If everything else can go as smoothly as these last few months have, that would be grand. Then I won’t have to worry so much. Please, no pain or little pain. Haha, I laugh at myself as I am sure you do too. But seriously, pain and I are not friends, and I am not strong when it comes to it.
I’ve mentioned before, but I love routine. I like how things are now. Knowing what is going to be happening most days keeps me centered. Life is pretty steady. And with baby, it will not be for quite some time, and I don’t know how I’ll handle that change of routine. In time, it’ll be no big deal, and it’ll just be a new routine for me. But until then, I am scared of that shift. Plus Roxy and I love our quiet mornings.
And of course, as always, money is the top of my head. The blog hasn’t been as profitable the last year and so far this year, so I don’t feel like I am earning my keep, so to say. Thankfully Jason’s job is going well and should be fairly good there. Yet, I am fearful of having this other mouth to feed, clothe, and keep entertained. I know it’ll be fine, but as always, the money thing leads me to worry about it all. Things are shifting quite well, so I can only hope everything keeps shifting like it is, and we’ll be fine. And hopefully, the blog will kick up on profit again so I can feel like I am earning a living again.
And, of course, this was already briefly mentioned. I need solid sleep. I don’t do well on broken or less sleep. Sleep has already gone out the window for me, so I fear the effect once the baby gets here. In fact, I’ll likely do another blog post later about how I am sleeping right now. I found something that does help and needs to share. Maybe I’ll have a baby that likes routine just as much as me. Which wouldn’t be too far-fetched; after all, it’s half me. The other half, though, runs fine on little sleep. So only time will tell. Let’s hope that sleep can be saved at least a tiny bit.
There we have the reasons I am scared to have this baby. I know most will vanish once it’s here and we have our routine. But until then, these are my fears.
Plus, we have so much to do in our house before baby gets here and yet want to take a couple of vacations. Ugh. But those mean more blog posts, which is exciting for all of us, hopefully!