When someone says I have anxiety (current anxieties), it’s almost like they are uttering a bad word. You can imagine people’s eyes getting big and round, their lips pursed, and their hand is going over their mouth in shock. Can you see it? Is that how you feel people react when you say I have anxiety? It shouldn’t be a taboo topic, and everyone has different levels of anxiety. Today I thought it would be informative to be open about what anxiety looks like for me.
Never having been diagnosed officially with anxiety, I know I have it. Everyone that is around me regularly knows I have it. I do my best to keep it at bay and know not everyone is out to get me. Do you know how hard that is, though?
Anxiety is real. It’s sitting there waiting to strike at any little thing that may happen. And sometimes even out of nowhere when nothing has happened to trigger it.
I was hoping you could keep reading for what anxiety does to me. What do I feel? How do I act? What goes through my head? I’ll do my best to share.
What Anxiety Looks Like For Me: Time to Share
For me, hyperventilating, feeling like I am having a heart attack – common anxiety signs – I don’t have. None of that happens to me personally, but I know those are some of the classic symptoms. Today I’ll be sharing what I do go through.
Worrying is one of my biggest hurdles. Not just common concern about what to have for dinner, what to do for the weekend. No. I worry about Jason dying, about Roxy dying. About myself getting cancer. My head automatically goes to the worst possible case at any little seed.
My mind worries about our money – where it’s going, where it’s coming in from. How will we live? What if something happens to Jason, how will I live? What will I do? I’d be lost without my best friend. Linking problems from one little thing to another. Until I am sick to my stomach and feel like throwing a tantrum.
My deep worry isn’t just a sometimes thing either, this worry, but almost always there daily. Some days are, of course, better than others. But the majority of the time, my mind is always worrying about something.
I’ve always been afraid to go to the doctor or even dentist or heck even the eye doctor for fear they will find something horrific.
No One Liking Me
Tricks being played in my mind where no one likes me, no one wants me around, and no one is interested in what I do or say. No one likes me, everyone hates me – guess I’ll go eat worms. (that little song always runs through my mind)
Part of that is my anxiety, and part of that is my enneagram two. Being that those two combines make the whole no one likes me even more robust.
And more burdensome when I can’t seem to land any wins for a bit. The heaviness settles in and mocks me.
The no-one liking you is especially hard when your job is having people like you, encouraging you, and engaging with you.
Saying Yes But Meaning No
Honestly, you do want to go out and interact with others. You want to meet people, you want friends, you want to be around your family. You make plans and are excited about them. As it gets closer, though, you fret. You start to feel sick. You are dragging your feet on actually going. Feel elated when plans fall through.
BUT when those plans don’t fall through, and you go…you get settled in and enjoy the actual going out.
Getting up that motivation and brave to go is the hardest part. You worry about them even wanting you there. You worry about what you’ll say, what you’ll do, and how you’ll act.
- Leg Bouncing
- Fingers Tapping
- Stress Pooping
- Hot Feeling Cheeks
- Fast Heartrate
- Being Sleepy
- Turn Inward
Please know you are not alone. So many of us have varying types of anxiety. We all have different ways of showing them and unusual things to trigger them. But never, ever, are you alone. I am here.
This is what having anxiety looks like for me.
How do you cope with your anxiety? Are you doing enough self-care? What triggers it for you? I’d love to get a conversation going and help one another.